It's getting close...I can feel it.

It's amazing to think that at this time, a week from now, I will most likely be sitting outside on the deck of the m/v Explorer writing a blog update...in the middle of the ocean. I can already feel the wind on my face, smell the salt in the air, and hear the lapping of the waves upon the hull of the ship. Hopefully it won't be too rough that night...I don't know if I'll be able to keep my laptop steady on my lap.

I've begun to wonder what it will REALLY be like. Now, I don't just mean what the shipboard community life will be like- I'm not too concerned with that. It will be like any other college community, except completely different. Yeah...exactly. I finished packing a majority of my life in 2 suitcases today and I'm shocked that most of it fit. Yes, I had to pack, then unpack, just to repack so it all fit, but it wasn't that bad. I took out probably 1/4 of the clothes I had originally packed so that lightened the load some. Unfortunately, I had made room for other things, so of course I couldn't just leave that space empty. Or could I have? Oh well, either way. I want to say a huge thank you to my mom because for the past few days, weeks, and months she's been the biggest help in the world. I really would lose my head if it wasn't for her. I don't know how I would have been prepared if it wasn't for her. Thanks mom! :-)

I digress again. So, yes, what will it REALLY be like living aboard the m/v Explorer with 650 other college students, a few dozen faculty and staff members, and the entire shipboard crew for 108 days? Probably a little crazy at first. Actually, it WILL be crazy at first. Not in a bad way, just in, well, a crazy way. I've heard stories from alumni saying that they weren't prepared at all for what life was like for 100+ days, but that they loved every minute of it. I can only imagine what they mean by that. I suppose I will find out soon enough. I know I'll come back a changed person than who I am at this moment in time. I can feel it already. I can't tell you how I'm going to change, but I'm sure if you know me now you'll understand when you see me come December. Can a person really go unchanged after experiencing Semester at Sea? I'm sure there are people who have walked away from SAS with a very minimal sense of self-change, but those are the people who were there for all the wrong reasons. I am not paying $30,000 for a 100 day vacation. I am doing this to experience the world, not to experience one big floating party.

Don't get me wrong. I'd be a hypocrite to say that I won't go out and have a couple drinks at a local bar or pub, because I'll be one of the first to suggest trying local brews or wines. But there's a huge difference between appreciating and abusing. I just hope I can find a group of kids like me who want to have the time of their lives, but remember the night before the next morning.

I've packed a quarter of one of my suitcases with miscellaneous items for the kids in all the countries I visit. I packed finger puppets, bracelets, bubbles, coloring books, bouncy balls, and other small toys and nick knacks for them. There's something to be said about the innocence of children. I wish I could go back to that childhood innocence sometimes. Even in the midst of poverty, these children have smiles on their faces. If only the adults of this world could learn from the child they once were.

I hope I have the strength to walk away from the children I meet in such countries as South Africa and India. I have a soft spot for helping kids. I know I'm going to want to whisk them away from what we Westerners see as sub par living environments. I know I'm going to laugh, and cry, and become angry and humble all within one afternoon...It would be impossible not to.

So many thoughts are running through my head at this moment that I can hardly make sense of any of them. A few days ago, a friend of mine asked if I had a lot of mixed emotions and my answer to them was no. I felt blank actually. But now, with only 2 full days left in the States, I am feeling a range of emotions that I haven't felt in a very long time. I'm happy, sad, anxious, excited, optimistic , hopeful, nervous...all mixed into one. Needless to say, I'm just a tad bit stressed. But, the good thing is, all this stress will be well worth it the minute I roll my 150 total pounds of luggage onto the loading dock in Nassau. From there, let the journey of a lifetime begin.